Katrina shares the story of her Boudoir photoshoot with Divine Shadows Boudoir.
When I asked Katrina to write about her boudoir experience with us, she quickly responded with "YES". When I first read this, it brought me to tears. Katrina's transformation has been one of our most memorable ones. Here is her story, written by Katrina herself.
Isn't she lovely...
I actually hate what I look like in pictures. I haven’t changed my profile image in a few years, I was skinner then, and happen to be wearing makeup. Why disrupt a good thing?
Signing up for a boudoir shoot was a crazy idea. It was meant to be a gift for my fiancé he was always telling me how beautiful I am, even if I rolled my eyes every time he said it.
In August of 2021 I was in a horseback riding accident where I suffered a Traumatic Brain Injury, broken collarbone, broken hip, and fractured back. Due to this accident I was off work for 8 months, during this time I had gained over 80 lbs. After months of rehab for the brain injury, I was able to return to work April of 2022 and also decided I needed to change my eating habits. Over the last year and half I have lost 130 lbs by working my butt off with eating healthy and making many lifestyle changes. Even with all of these changes I still didn’t love myself.
I appreciate the love and compliments but it was hard to believe them most days. I knew he thought I was perfect but what was he seeing that I couldn’t see? A boudoir session would blow his mind. He would never expect it. I can do this for him... I think... I never expected to feel immediate doubt. WHAT was I thinking?...
Scheduling a boudoir shoot, in front of strangers no less?
I wasn’t a sexy person- I knew next to nothing about what looked sexy on me.I have never even see a garter belt in person. "those can stay with the Victoria's Secret Models" I went to my closest friends for support but all I got in reply was absolute SHOCK.
" Your doing WHAT...?" Your brave" "I could never do that." Doubt and anxiety echoed back at me. Never do that?, but why not? Why never? My friends are stunning, but I couldn’t convince them otherwise. Is that what I was doing to myself without even realizing it? Was I looking down on myself instead of loving myself? If I could build my friends up, shouldn’t I be loving myself in the same way? The world make it so easy for us, as women, to focus on our imperfections - to focus on all of our flaws. Society presents us with the "Perfect woman" on billboards , on tv and on social media.
I was never going to be that girl, but I sure as hell could try. Right...?
I prepared for my boudoir shoot as much as I could, checking off all of the things on the list that I could buy and do to make myself look like a better version of myself. Nails and toes done "Check"
Hey ladies, ever had Brazilian wax?- Painful check.
Then is was here- Boudoir Shoot Day. I shuffled into the studio wearing leggings and an oversized sweater. I was immediately greeted by two friendly faces.
I was trying to put on a brave face while I lay all my outfits out for the day, all while chatting with Kim and Leydy. "Im so out of my element" "What if my fiancé doesn't like my images?
"Ugh i'm getting in my head" Soon after, I was swept away and put in to the hair and makeup chair.
"What are you going for today Katrina?" Leydy asked me
"Well... I don't ever wear makeup and I wear my glasses everyday... So. " I was staring at myself in the mirror, the fluorescent bulbs highlighting the blemishes on my face. I didn't know how to reply.
"Do you like curls?" Leydy asked.
I smiled, I loved when my hair was curled but it rarely stayed that way. I started to get more comfortable while I was getting hair and makeup done. Kim and Leydy were chatting with me about life, work and Photography. I even made a joke about being half naked in front of a group of strangers, and they all laughed. At this point I was feeling really comfortable and I thought "I can do this" especially when I looked in the mirror after hair and makeup was completed. I couldn’t stop staring... Was that really me!? I genuinely did not recognize the woman in the mirror, the same mirror that was showing me all my imperfections. Why was I so obsessed with focusing on the negative?
Its all about jumping off that cliff- even if you have a fear of heights. The cliff where all your insecurities hang out and whisper those non-truths into your soul. The cliff where you have never felt good enough. The cliff where we judge other woman for what they look like. The cliff's edge that is is too damn perfect to leave most days, but I was determined for today to not be that day. If I could jump out of a perfectly good airplane for my birthday, I can jump off this cliff of imperfection.
The conservative awkward nerd finally started coming out of her shell, slowly but surely.
"look how stunning you are" Kim running over to me to show me her camera screen, then I started to believe it.
"Even if I had to play "Run the world (Girls) by Beyoncé in my head over and over to hype me up in the beginning. Even if Kim had to help me hook up my thigh highs to the garter belt. Even when I couldn’t t relax the worry - wrinkles on my forehead. Even laughing hysterically because the bed sucks you in. Even when I laid down on the cold bare floor to get the perfect shot, I finally let go, I felt free at last.
I could have never imagined what the final product would be.
You would never think that putting your clothing back on for the Reveal Session would be the most nerve-wrecking part of the day. I felt Sexy, I felt Confident and I felt Beautiful. Would all that really come through in the pictures?
Kim showed me picture after picture - a girl I hardly recognized.
"Is that me!?, "thats not me" I kept repeating.
"Yes, that is you!" she kept saying. I didn’t focus on the flaws and imperfections that plagued my daily life. It was so liberating. For the first time in my life I genuinely didn’t feel weighed down by those thoughts. Maybe it took Kim’s perspective to see myself in my true light . That stunning woman in those pictures were me. The images weren't even edited, they came straight from the camera on the screen. I was speechless.
Flawless me. Used in the same sentence. (I get emotional just writing this) I have never felt that way before. I felt like I was on top of the world. Is this what it feels like to truly love yourself.
I knew if I felt this way about myself there is no way on earth he wouldn't be surprised. I decided to get a photo album for my fiancé 20 glorious and glossy pages from the boudoir shoot that I flip through myself every chance I get. I think I look at them more then he does. Its a daily reminder that myself image has completely changed after having my boudoir shoot. A new level of confidence and acceptance became apart of my everyday life all thanks to Kim and Leydy, two people who have a very special talent in finding Beauty in everyone.
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